lasting change 1

Change means different things to different people – some love the novelty and excitement, while it fills others with fear and anxiety. It’s a cliché, but the one thing that never changes in life is change. Whether we like it or not, it’s impossible to keep things as they are. The cells in our body are completely renewed every seven years, our hormones are in a constant state of flux, not to mention our moods and emotions. From one moment to the next, we are literally different people!

If you have a tendency to fight change, it’s worth getting to know some of the psychology behind the process. There’s a great book called Changing for Good that I found really helpful in getting me through experiences that I wouldn’t have actively sought out given the choice.

The authors describe a five-part process, but in the interests of brevity, here are the three that I consider to be most significant:

Motivational Conflicts

Did you know that 40 to 45% of adults make one or more New Year’s resolutions each year but research also shows that the percentage of people who maintain new year’s resolutions falls sharply as the weeks go by. The following shows how many of resolutions are maintained as time goes on:

* Past the first week: 75%
* Past 2 weeks: 71%
* After one month: 64%
* After 6 months: 46% - every 5 people out of 100 will stick to the new behavior.

When you fall back to your old habit instead of thinking on failure and blaming the cold weather, the economy, people around you and yourself answer the following questions:

Acceptance 1

One of my favourite quotes is from the author Will Garcia, who writes: “The first step toward change is acceptance. Once you accept yourself, you open the door to change. That's all you have to do. Change is not something you do, it is something you allow.” I find that such an empowering concept, and it also comes as something of a relief for those of us who expect change to be effortful and exhausting.

Some people are instinctively suspicious of the idea of acceptance – they think it means resigning yourself to a bad situation, or sheer laziness in the face of a new behaviour or situation. But think of it this way for a moment: if your partner or best friend told you they were unhappy with a particular behaviour or habit of yours, had been fed up with it for ages, and wanted you to be different immediately or they’d be very unhappy, how would you feel? Would that kind of approach inspire you to change, or would you feel hurt, angry and defensive, and more likely to continue with the same behaviour?

chinese proverb

IF WE DO NOT CHANGE OUR DIRECTION, WE ARE LIKELY TO END UP WHERE WE ARE HEADED. Chinese proverb

How to find the right direction in life?

I am not sure I discovered the ultimate answer to this question, but like to think that I am not the only person exploring this topic.

Have you ever asked yourself ‘What should I do?’ only to think about ‘What if I chose the other option?’ right after you made that decision? Have you ever felt guilty about your decision and no matter what you were doing you felt as if you ‘should’ be doing something else?

Let me tell you that there is no real ‘should / shouldn’t / should have done’. Your are totally adequate for all situations and respond the best possible way. However, when you have the little voice in your head saying ‘something just doesn’t feel right’ that’s a clear sign of change being on the doorstep.

2017

 

Many of us we want change to happen but if we dig a bit deeper it becomes obvious that we don't want to change.

We might try something new and drop it a few weeks later saying 'it's far too boring’ or 'it wasn't right for me' or 'I will try it when the weather gets better' or with a similar excuse.

To prevent this to happen (and all the emotional burden around), it is always worth to examine our intention and decision behind change.

change  

Many people get really excited and hopeful about their ‘New Years Eve Resolution’ which last for a couple of weeks than get back to the same old habits. Are you one of them?

This month we will explore the change process. But before we start there is an important step we all tend to forget:

Sometimes an image is worth a thousand words. I find I get so used to reading that I can too easily forget the power of the picture. But when I came across " target="_blank" style="color: #990000; text-decoration: none;">this film I knew I wanted to share it with you as it conveys a very serious and important message with more charm and humour than I could ever aspire to!]

Yes, it’s a cliché, but most of us have at some point felt like a cog in a machine, robotically carrying out the same tasks and raging against inanimate objects that are supposed to make our lives easier but seem to conspire against us. I could only nod in sympathy at the protagonist of the film, having just the other day experienced the frustration of the photocopier breaking down on me at an incredibly crucial moment.

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